The names and facts have been changed to protect the innocent.

A few familiar faces arrived at the club car, Marc, Warren Tim and Neil all tapping their feet (not in time) waiting for the usual suspects to arrive… despite the captains threats. Fez the aforesaid captain (the last to arrive) finally cruised into the car park muttering about collecting shirts or dry cleaning or some such other mundane chore he had to attend to.

A quick multiple choice question for those that didn’t play:

Where is Louth hockey club, is it:

a) A figment of East Leagues imagination (we wish)?

b) An asteroid due to pass by earth in the year 2024?

c) A hockey club full of eager teenagers who should still be playing at school, and only at school?

The answer is b) if you were unsure.

Now it’s early season so a few things can be forgiven, a stop at McDonalds delayed some players (I can assure you the chicken nuggets were tasty and well worth the wait behind the world’s worst dressed Hell’s Angel) and a warm up with two balls, I’m going to hazard a bet that some players hadn’t touched either ball at push back.

So the game I’m supposed to be writing about, we started woefully Tim whose 16 yard hits can usually be relied upon found their players sticks, feet and on one occasion rib resulting in some last ditch defending Louth coming close on a number of occasions but as most 16 year old lads will tell you close just isn’t enough. It wasn’t all one way (it was but let’s pretend) when things finally started to turn a couple of breaks saw Ely gain a couple of short corners and although we didn’t score the game settled. Finally Marc (Meep! Meep!) received the ball and moving from right to left across their D literally fired a reverse hit shot, now I’ve played with Marc for years and no matter what he says I’ll never believe he deliberately intended to sneak that just inside the post and a sprawling keeper 1 nil to the good and half time.

A rousing speech at half time I struggle to remember the details I was concerned there was no ½ time water or oranges (take note, I can’t keep this 32” waist drinking sports drinks) but we definitely mentioned keeping the ball and scoring some more goals, of that I’m sure.

Second half started and to be fair we started playing better but as the half progressed we noticeably started to tire, they had substitutes and a substantial age (but not looks) advantage over all but Rowen (age not looks, his quiff never moves), although at one point he was being so polite to the opposition we wondered if he knew them. Finally we succumbed, losing the ball in the middle (Tom/Tom/Tom** delete as applicable) , Louth broke and despite closing down the shot they managed to slip it wide for a stretched deflection at the post… 1:1 had the worm turned? A number of short corners were conceded, one by me “deliberately” played off the back line but the defence never looked like conceding Tim comfortably clearing a diving stick save their best chance. Ely always looked dangerous, Tom, Stuart, Warren and Fez in the middle working as hard as anyone on the pitch when finally the ball broke to Tom who using a well-practiced training ground fired home from a tactical deflection off their keeper. All we had to do now was hold the ball and waltz through to a cool beer in their bar. Controlling the play across the back we finally opted to break up the left, an interception left us wide open again, the first shot taken in the chest like a true bodyguard unfortunately rebounded back to a player who lifted the ball into the net despite the Tim pirouetting into the goal (next time accidently fall in the way). 2:2 and I’m nearly in the bar, a draw is a fair resort but no, Marc is still running up the right and being fouled over and over again until the Louth player completely worn out finally falls over injured and is replaced. I don’t think that’s relevant and Ely donned their swag bags and black and white you’ve been robbed shirts (Stu’s jokes but if anyone has some they would be gratefully received) and promptly scored from a short, Tim’s shot rebounding to Fez who fired (I honestly can’t remember it may have been a tap in) home… 3:2 to Ely and the game was over.

Special thanks to Charlie, Dan and Minnsy who I haven’t mentioned but were solid throughout and never get a mention I literally wouldn’t have a defence without you J

No thanks to Louth for providing a cup of tea and no beer… you’ve been warned, only Whiskey for them when they come to Ely.

MOTM Goes to someone.

DOTD Goes to someone else.